Creating Peace From the Pieces

We don’t give up with one abrupt decision. We don’t readily release those romantic schemes of adolescence. We give up after we slowly, slowly are coerced by seemingly smallish situations, where we must make choices that steer our planful dreams into darker waters, riddled with existential crisis and moral grey areas. We are forced to tie away our beautiful, white sails of ingenuous agendas so ready for exciting exploration. We thought ourselves ready to discover and conquer new, beautiful lands. Instead, we learn to grip masts of Faith while we are pelted with deep, heart wrenching sobs within angry storms of debilitating decisions. We send up pleading prayers to our God. We send prayers bartering for mercy. We scream angry, blame filled questions to a sky we can’t see through our tears. Soon our prayers become as bitter as the winds we bow away from. Anon, our storm softens and we can see a glimmer of hope shining through. Guilt gives way to repentance, then with hope anew, we prepare to sail. Suddenly, the deep rumble of distant perils bring quick realization that our hope was false. Again, we suffer, and survive. This happens over and again until our soul is ragged and weary. Even as we sail into calm water, we turn away, unwilling to believe. Our sails are soiled and torn, too damaged to dream of unfurling. Even mended, we realize with a callous horror that they’ll never explore as far as we wanted. We grieve, first with an atom of hope, then succumb to numb apathy.
We finally, like releasing a last breath, let hope seep away from within us. We become a shell of ourselves. We learn to embrace life anew, but there will forever exist that small scar within our soul, so dark and void of life, that black holes of space fear to tread.
We have given up.