writing
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Unexpected Grief
My heart aches and my mind is as bleary as my red and puffy eyes. I generally pride myself in finding the very best words to utilize in poignant expressions of my thoughts. Today’s writing will most likely fall short of beautiful, but I NEED to write it out. Have to somehow, maybe, find a Continue reading
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Remembering Little Good Parts
Once in a while (typically when I am elbow deep in a sink of dirty dishes) my mind will wander off to reminiscence about past relationships. There are so many reasons they didn’t last, and I am thankful they didn’t. Sometimes, though, my bored brain will go on a little jaunt away from those terrible Continue reading
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We Cannot Bury the Guilt
How can one specific body movement or sensation bring with it an instant torrent of guilt? The freedom fight from former abuse is not done once we run. It’s not finished when the physical access to our bodies stops. For those of us who were taught day in and day out that we were responsible Continue reading
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Control
My story does have a happy ending, but my journey here was a turbulent one. Occasionally, a random thought will blow my memory calendar open to a date long past. I reflect upon those moments, reaching for understanding. Here and there, I am able to grasp hold of a little clarity into why my younger Continue reading
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A Note On Thanks
I am intrigued by the relation between words and their definitions. In an attempt to clearly communicate my most current soapbox speel, I’m going to walk through a few definitions, and then meander about and hopefully collect a couple of concise connections. Thank you: Webster defines “thank you” as “a polite expression of one’s gratitude”. Continue reading
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And the Greatest of These is Love
My memories are so fragmented, but as I continue to write, maybe I can make sense of… something.We were considered to be a fairly large family. Most folks seemed to think seven kids made for a massive family, anyway. I never thought we were of any extra volume, people-wise. Our church was filled with so Continue reading
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To Surrender A Dream
It’s time that I let you go. With every shard of my being, every fragment of my grieving soul, I want to carry you here. I want to hold you, to hear you, to touch you, to watch you become and grow. But what I desire is irrelevant. This broken vessel I reside in is Continue reading
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Domestic David & Goliath
I was their protector. Their warrior. Others speak of me as being a warrior against my illness, and not to belittle those battles because they are beautiful in their own way, but those will never compare to the war I fought as a child. I felt like David in stories of old – just a Continue reading
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I Prayed for Patience
I grew up in a fairly large family – the little mama sibling who cared for the emotions of a quiver full of younger babies. Someone had to, while our mother was occupied with shooting out the next of us, like a clown car under pressure. Spurred by a love of being surrounded by chaotic Continue reading
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Giving Up
We don’t give up with one abrupt decision. We don’t readily release those romantic schemes of adolescence. We give up after we slowly, slowly are coerced by seemingly smallish situations, where we must make choices that steer our planful dreams into darker waters, riddled with existential crisis and moral grey areas. We are forced to Continue reading
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I Am Sorry For Our Loss
I had an experience recently that exemplified the um, monsters (for lack of a better word) we as humans have so recently let ourselves become.I was, as I often am, sitting in a doctor’s office waiting room. Several other patients were there, and as folks awaiting medical attention often do, we began to chat. Honestly, Continue reading
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Pain
Sometimes, there is just pain. Pain like tendrils of an ivy vine, it’s appendages creeping over and around each of my muscles. It grasps me in my sleep, waking me and placing my body in a sort of stasis, gripping my lungs. After awhile, I try to move my mouth and realize I’ve been clenching Continue reading
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An Ibs story
Once, years ago, I was dealing with a particularly excruciating bout of ibs. My friend and I were on our way back from a day out, and I could feel I wasn’t going to make it home. I had the whole gurgly stomach with cramping, and hot smelly air had begun to escape from my Continue reading
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Autoimmune Battle
His Mercies Are New Every Morning The most trying days are those that come after I’ve battled one symptom, and then another, until I’m treading treatments in order to continue the simplist of duties. When I’ve been tired too long. When I recall my lost beautiful talents and abilities, and can see so clearly and Continue reading
Creating Peace From the Pieces 